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• Reasons

An Inroduction to
VelociPastor

This is a short paragraph explaining why you should watch, containing zero spoilers:VelociPastor is a movie that you should watch if you are a fan of original, artistic, and thrilling films that challenge the conventions of the genre. (OR ANY GENRE) Here are some reasons why you might find it captivating:The movie is about a priest who travels to China and gets infected by an artifact that turns him into a dinosaur when he is angry. He then teams up with a prostitute to fight crime and ninjas. The movie explores the themes of faith, identity, and justice in a nuanced and profound way.
The movie is full of intentional and unintentional humor, such as witty dialogue, stunning special effects, expressive acting, and high quality jokes.The movie is a homage to the exploitation and grindhouse films of the 1970s, such as Death Wish, Shaft, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. It uses a retro style, such as grainy footage, vintage fonts, and funky music, to create a nostalgic atmosphere. It also references and subverts some of the clichés and stereotypes of the genre, such as the vigilante hero, the damsel in distress, the evil villain, and the martial arts action.The movie is a cult classic that has gained a loyal fan base and positive reviews from critics and audiences who appreciate its serious yet campy and creative approach. It has a rating of 10/10 on IMDb and 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. It has also won several awards and nominations at various film festivals, such as the Audience Award at the BUT Film Festival and the Best Feature Film at the HorrorHound Weekend Film Festival.Not watching this movie is essentially saying "fuck you" to the possibility of you having a joy-filled life.

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Just incase you didn't click the button

Here's a short story about why you should watch VelociPastor:Once apon a time, in a land far away from ours, there lived a little boy, his name was jack, he heard about this super cool movie from this website his friend made, he didn't watch it even though he knew it was an awesome movie, he died that night.
You're jack.
Watch VelociPastor.
Now.

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